Tag Archives: Personal

Capital Punishment Must Be Abolished

Capital Punishment: Lethal injection chamber of the South Dakota State Penitentiary in Sioux Falls
Lethal injection chamber of the South Dakota State Penitentiary in Sioux Falls

This is one example of why I oppose capital punishment.

A little over two decades ago, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was dismissive of then-Justice Harry Blackmun’s concerns about the death penalty. In fact, Scalia had a case study in mind that demonstrated exactly why the system of capital punishment has value.


United States Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia named convicted killer Henry Lee McCollum as an example of a man who deserved death. “For example, the case of an 11-year-old girl raped by four men and then killed by stuffing her panties down her throat,” he wrote. McCollum appeared to be the perfect example. He was a murderer whose crime was so heinous he deserved to die. He deserved capital punishment.

I wrote a post about Justice Scalia just a few days ago. It is not my intention to be picking on him; I just ran across this item and feel I have to talk about it here.

The condemned man’s names and pictures had even been circulated by politicians as examples of merciless killers.

As recently as 2010, the North Carolina Republican Party used a McCollum photo on campaign fliers to attack a Democratic candidate as “soft on crime.”


Last Thursday, McCollum was pardoned along with his half-brother, Leon Brown! They were not guilty! Somebody committed the dastardly crime and surely deserves to die, but it was somebody else.

After they had been locked up for three decades, DNA evidence finally implicated another man and exonerated both of them. It appears their confessions were coerced. The court freed them several months ago.

Both men are “intellectually disabled,” and are now living with a sister who can’t support them. That situation should soon be remedied. Now that the governor has officially pardoned them, they are each eligible to receive $50,000 for each year they were unjustly imprisoned, up to a limit of $750,000 each. That money will pay for groceries and rent, but it cannot make up for the mistaken verdicts against them and the thirty years they both suffered in prison.

After they were freed, Gov. Pat McCrory spent nine months investigating before making the decision to pardon them. He decided it was the right thing to do and pardoned them both a few days ago, on June 4.

I understand that Scalia had not tried these men. As far as I know, he based his opinion on what he had heard or read. Still, it’s unsettling to have a Supreme Court justice proscribing capital punishment for a man who later turns out to be innocent.

The fact is that juries and judges too often make the wrong verdicts. It’s not their fault. Judges and jurists are only human. They are often called upon to make decisions before all the evidence is in. This is inevitable, since additional evidence can show up any time in the future.

I’ve said before that, in principle, I favor the death penalty for heinous crimes. But the fact is that we execute far too many innocent men. One is too many, obviously; and we have executed far more  than that. (Death row inmates in the United States are almost all men.)

Texas is the worst capital punishment state.

My own state of Texas condemns more people to capital punishment than any other state, and we have almost certainly executed several innocent men. In fact our last two governors almost seemed proud of it sometimes. This is especially significant because one of them went on to serve as President of the United States for eight years, and the other one is a candidate for that office now.

In addition to this, we must remember that it costs several times as much money to execute a prisoner as it does to imprison him for life. This is because of the automatic appeals–all of the extreme measures we take to be sure he is really guilty. Extreme yes, but we still make mistakes. A lot of mistakes, as DNA has recently shown.

Since DNA evidence has been available, it has shown so many death row prisoners to be wrongly convicted that several states have put a moratorium on capital punishment. Every state should do that.

I see no reason why anybody else should ever be executed in the United States. Men or women who commit heinous crimes should be locked up for the rest of their natural lives to protect the rest of us from them.



Bernie Sanders: Is He the Only Presidential Candidate with a Functioning Brain?

Bernie says the most serious problem facing our country is that “we don’t discuss the most serious problems facing our country.”

I never intended this to be a political blog, but there doesn’t seem to be any choice. This Presidential election is just too weird. And it matters.

I’m afraid of Hillary. It’s not her age; Reagan was her age when he was elected. It’s not her gender. It’s not so much the email thing, although that’s a bit awkward. It’s Benghazi, and the fact that it has never been explained.

I can’t word the basics any better than Wikipedia and still get all the information in:

On September 11, 2012, the U.S. Diplomatic Mission in Benghazi was attacked by a heavily armed group of 125-150 gunmen, whose trucks bore the logo of Ansar al-Sharia, a group of Islamist militants, also known as Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, working with the local government to manage security in Benghazi. U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens, Foreign Service Information Officer Sean Smith, and CIA contractors and former Navy SEALS Tyrone Woods and Glen Doherty were killed during a series of raids, commencing at nightfall and continuing into the next morning. Ten others were injured.


It was 9-11 all over again, exactly 11 years later; and here was another attack on the United States by Al Qaeda.

I can’t remember exactly. Was it 14 hours the attack lasted? Or 18? It was all night and part of the morning. Potentially long enough to get them some help before it was over. Maybe before it was too late. They repeatedly called for help, but Secretary of State Hillary Clinton sent them none. Why? We don’t know. She refuses to say.

The former Navy Seals across the street wanted to go help, and were ordered to “stand down.” It’s not clear where the order came from. Hillary? We don’t know. Before long the ex-Seals defied orders and went anyway, but they were too late and too few.

Both Hillary and President Obama have continually refused to explain what happened and why no help was sent. When Hillary was questioned later in Congress, she appeared flustered and asked “What does it matter now?” It matters a lot now, Hillary! It might tell us a lot about your character. Maybe good, if we knew the facts. But it doesn’t appear good at all. How can we know if you won’t tell us what happened from your perspective? How can we elect a Commander-in-Chief who appears to have neglected a very bad situation and let four people under her die unaided?

As far as I know, the information hasn’t even been classified. They just refuse to answer.

The Republicans are worse. Every last one of them. Bill Maher hit it on the head when he described them, but I promised not to use that kind of language here. (Sorry, I lost the link; but if you know Bill Maher, you’ll get the idea.) They’re crazy. They’re not all exactly the same kind of crazy, but pretty nearly. At last count, we have 17 of them. I’d vote for ANY Democrat over any of them.

A President’s influence reaches far beyond his or her own term(s). A President appoints Federal Judges, including Supreme Court Justices, as well as various other officials. Federal Judges and Justices remain in office for life or until they decide to retire. A bad judge can mess things up for a long time. And the next President is likely to appoint two or three Supreme Court Justices.

Every one of those climate change denying, religious nut job, big business loving, rich Republicans want to reduce their own taxes even lower than they already are, raise your taxes to make up the difference, teach religion in your kid’s science class, waste billions of your tax dollars rounding up eleven million immigrants (as if that were even possible) and ship them south, outlaw all abortions just as they were 50 years ago, repeal the Affordable Care Act, keep the disastrous War on Drugs going and keep our prisons overflowing with people who weren’t violent until we locked them up, and go to war with ISIS and maybe Iran. And who knows who else?

We MUST NOT let one of these lunatics get in the White House. They’ll set us back 50 years, if we don’t disappear in a mushroom cloud of radioactive smoke first. Besides the damage they’d personally do in office, if we survive, any Federal Judges they appoint would be likely to carry on the carnage for a generation. We MUST have a liberal in the White House, and Hillary is a liberal. For that reason, if Hillary gets the Democratic nomination, I expect to vote for her.

Bernie is even more liberal.

Bernie SandersBernie Sanders (born September 8, 1941) is six years older than Hillary; but he’s still going strong. He describes himself as “philosophically a democratic socialist.”

Don’t let the S word shake you up. He doesn’t want to turn the USA into Russia or China or Cuba. He wants to create a lot of high-paying jobs in a hurry, rebuild our almost ancient highway system and replace rotting bridges and overpasses, make sure everybody eats and sleeps under a roof, make sure everybody gets free healthcare like they do in every other major Western country and pay for it with half the money, split up any bank that’s “too big to fail” so we won’t have to bail them out again, promote clean energy, make every public college or university in the USA tuition free, and stop corporate executives from taking multi-million dollar annual bonuses from their companies while their workers have trouble buying groceries and paying the rent. And he’ll try not to invade anybody. There’s more, but it’s that kind of thing. I’m for it. Check out his website.

Watch the video and see if he doesn’t sound good to you. He makes startling statements like those below–but about a plethora of different problems; not just money. Then he tells us how he’s gonna change things:

  • Between 1980 and 2005, 80 percent … 80 percent of all new income in this country went to the top 1 percent.
  • The top one-tenth of one percent earns 12 cents of every dollar.
  • The top one-tenth of one percent owns almost as much wealth as the bottom 90%.
  • 99% of all new income generated today goes to the top one percent.
  • There is something wrong with America when one family– the Walton family– owns more wealth than the bottom 130 million Americans.
  • Today the top 1/10 of 1% owns nearly as much wealth as the bottom 90%.
  • There is something profoundly wrong when (working people are) working longer hours for lower wages, and yet 90% of all new income goes to the top 1%.

Bernie SandersThose statistics stagger the imagination. The middle class is almost gone from this country. That’s not scare talk; it’s factually true. A few billionaires are literally buying candidates who want to reduce their taxes even more than they already are, raise your taxes to make up the difference, and do away with the minimum wage. Otherwise, they want to maintain the financial status quo well enough so the billionaires who finance them will keep getting richer and richer and you and I will keep getting poorer and poorer. If we let them control both Congress and the White House, there’ll be no way to stop them.

A hand-full of billionaires cannot have it all. Consider helping Bernie get the nomination and the White House.



Answer to a Letter

Response to a Letter from a Longtime Friend

I recently visited a slightly older couple whom I don’t see as often as I would like. I’ve known him all my life, and her since I was about 12. The visit was pleasant, but the husband and all able-bodied parties went upstairs for a few minutes to see his office. This left me alone with the wife, since we were the only ones unable to climb the stairs.

They are fundamentalist Independent Baptists, as I also was in my youth; so she asked me something about what I was “doing for the Lord.” I reminded her that I no longer believe in God. (She had known, but said she must have forgotten.) Since the conversation was cut short by the return of the others, she sent me a letter a few days later, continuing the questions.

Below is a slightly edited version of my response. As usual, I am not publishing her letter because I have no permission to do so. I have removed all names to protect the innocent guilty whoever whomever NEVER MIND!

Here’s my letter.

Dear ________,

I received your letter a few days ago. Your questions and comments deserve thoughtful, honest answers, and I’ll try to provide them. I apologize for not sending a handwritten letter, but my fingers don’t work well enough to handle a pen; so I asked (your husband) to print this for you.

You said that I “have no hope”, and that I “give none to others”; but that is not true. Superstition is false hope. As far as I can see, the only true hope is in this life, even though our lives are short. I have hope that our offspring and those with whom they share our planet will be better off than you and I. However, I admit I have more hope for the distant future than for the near future. There is no evidence of any life after death, and I will not try to spread false hope.

You said you read my email, but I don’t know which email you meant. The subjects of God or belief or unbelief come up frequently, and I have written many relevant emails. I usually don’t try to convince other people I’m right, although I’ve been accused of doing so. I do try to answer questions honestly, as I’m doing now. (For example, my most recent email about God was in answer to a question from ________.) I admit that I sometimes find myself “speaking out of turn”, but I try not to do that.

Of course, I also post my beliefs on my blog and elsewhere, so anybody who is interested can read them. Or not. It’s up to them.

You asked who am I “to say there is no God, devil, heaven, hell, Bible, etc.”, but I never said any of those things. You asked me what I believed, and I told you what I believe as briefly as possible. When I say I believe something, I try never to state dogmatically that I’m correct. I only answered your questions about what I believe. It’s my experience that dogma is far more common in belief than unbelief.

You asked what I have to show for the time between ages 6 and 30, while I was a Christian. I’m not sure why  you ask that, since you believe salvation is by faith and  not works. While I have never been as successful at “big” things as you and (your husband), I will say that I directed music for several churches during that time. I organized and sang bass with a gospel quartet (the Heavenly Way Quartet) for a while. Then I learned sign language and ministered to a group of deaf children at E. Berry St. Baptist church. Most important of all, my then wife and I raised two great children of our own.

I do not say now that I was saved. That would be inconsistent with what I now believe. I do say I believed in Jesus then and I believed then that He had saved me. I made my profession of faith at Loving Ave. Baptist church in Fort Worth when I was six years  old and was baptized by Papaw at Jennings Avenue when I was nine. I never doubted I was saved until I was about 30, and was still a Christian until I was about 42. I do not say this to claim any good works for myself, but only because you asked.

No, I didn’t “just want to impress people by reading and quoting the Bible.” I am aghast that you would ask such a thing! Is that why you read and quote the Bible?  (I think not.) I loved the God I then believed in, and losing my faith was a very traumatic thing for about 10  or 12 years.

However, it’s no longer traumatic. I am at peace with what I now believe. It puzzles me very much that you and (your husband) and some others claim to believe in the security of the believer — “once saved always saved” — and yet you seem convinced I’m going to hell when I die. This is completely inconsistent, since I was a believer for many years.

You said you don’t think I’m happy because you only saw me smile one time while I was at your house. In this, you are perceptive. It’s difficult for me to smile when I hurt; and I’ve suffered chronic pain since I was about 15. First were the migraine headaches—every day for about 20 years. Then came the debilitating lower back pain, and now the crippling psoriatic arthritis and peripheral neuropathy. I won’t claim to be  happy most of the time; but, in spite of my constant pain, I am far more content than I was earlier in life.

I appreciate your concern for my salvation, but I simply  don’t agree with you. There are many things I don’t understand; but I don’t think my lack of understanding of anything is evidence for the existence of God. Any god. And I feel absolutely certain that Jehovah is a myth and that Jesus, therefore, could not be his son. And the Bible, with its many contradictions and absurdities, as well as approval of atrocities like slavery, genocide, subservient wives, etc could hardly be the word of a loving God.

Of course, I want to live forever with loved ones in a place of peace, joy, prosperity, and perfect health. I want that as much as anyone does. I just don’t believe such a place exists. And there’s no evidence for hell, a devil, or demons either. If you want to know more about why I became an unbeliever, feel free to read “Saved In the Nick of Time,” under the Personal menu of my blog.

I meant to keep this letter short, but I wanted to answer all your questions fully. I apologize for being so wordy. I love you and (your husband) very much, and I wish you both a long life on earth, improved health, and continued prosperity.

Love, Bill

Religious Trauma Syndrome

A few days or weeks after the film viewing, I came into the house and mom wasn’t there. I stood there screaming in terror. When I stopped screaming, I began making my plan: Who my Christian neighbors were, who’s house to break into to get money and food. I was 12 yrs old and was preparing for Armageddon alone.

No. Not me, personally. It was a patient of Dr. Marlene Winell, a “human development consultant” in the San Francisco Area and author of Leaving the Fold – A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving their Religion

I didn’t suffer this kind of trauma until I was in my thirties, married, and had two young children. That just meant it affected the whole family, of course, although I think I was able to control my terror of hell pretty well in their presence. It took me another ten years after that to realize it was all fiction, and I didn’t need to be afraid. Some people never get to that point, and have the terrible dread of burning in hell forever as long as they live.

I was brainwashed from birth and wasted 25 years of my life serving Him! I’ve since been out of my religion for several years now, but i cannot shake the haunting fear of hell and feel absolutely doomed.

 That’s a terrible way to live.

What’s worse is the lack of help. At least, now people have the internet where they can find support groups, counselling, and new friends. Not so 42 years ago when I left the comfort of my fundamentalist Independent Baptist Church. I no longer had anything in common with my former friends, who could not understand my apostasy. And the new cult I struggled to fit in with for ten years was not much help. They taught we had to “stop sinning,” and I couldn’t. From the frying pan into the fire! Literally, I sometimes thought. (Of course, the Baptists also taught against sin; but they taught a more liberal forgiveness while one struggled to stop sinning. The World Wide Church of God taught you were to stop sinning first, and only then could you be forgiven. Fearful for somebody who can’t seem to stop sinning!)

This article by Dr. Valerie Tarico does a good job of uncovering the trauma and terror that religion is capable of creating.

Resource: http://www.alternet.org/belief/religious-trauma-syndrome-how-some-organized-religion-leads-mental-health-problems?paging=off&current_page=1#bookmark

Inerrant Except for . . .

An American family Bible dating to 1859.
American family Bible dating to 1859.

I had a very interesting visitor this morning. A physical therapist. (I’ve seen more than my share of medical-type people for the past couple of years.) She saw my Kindle and asked me what I read.

“Mostly science,”I said.

“What kind of science?”

“My two main interests are cosmology and biological evolution.”

It turned out she was a new earth creationist.

We discussed our differences briefly (and in a very friendly way) as we finished up my therapy for the day. Then it was time for her to go, but I imagine these subjects will come up again in future sessions.

Her insistence that the Bible, as originally written, was the infallible word of God, reminded me of yesterday’s post. It also reminded me of my father, who died many years ago. Dad used to go even further than my therapist. He said the King James Version was the perfect and infallible word of God in English.

“Well, except maybe for one thing,” he added. Dad thought the commandment that says “Thou shalt not kill” should have been translated “Thou shalt do no murder.” He believed this because he believed certain kinds of killing (self-defense, for instance) are not wrong and not murder. “But that’s the only mistake,” he would add. “The rest of the King James Version is God’s Word, and it was translated into English without any other mistakes.”

I agree completely that killing is sometimes justified. I also remember my father with love and respect. Still, I smile at the way Biblical literalists and inerrantists have to rationalize to justify their beliefs.

I’ve Been Sick

For you two — or possibly three — regular readers, I apologize for the days I have recently missed posting here. I have been sick, but I think I’m about back to normal now. Don’t worry. It’s not contagious this way.  😉

Actually, I was trying to create a backlog of pertinent stories to post automatically in such an event, but I couldn’t seem to get more than about four or five days in advance. And they ran out very quickly. Now that I’m about well, I want to amass at least enough good posts to schedule one a day for a couple of weeks. Hopefully, even more. Then when something timely comes up, I’ll post that, too. Occasionally, then, I may have two or even three posts in a single day; but not often. We’ll see how that works out.


For Texans Only

Women's health in Texas
Women’s health in Texas








However, most of you others probably need to take similar measures wherever you live, too.

I sent this letter to my State Senators just a few minutes ago. It’s late, since the committee meeting started today, but you can still have your voice heard if you hurry.

Texas citizens deserve a serious discussion of women’s health and an honest assessment of the consequences of legislative decisions affecting reproductive healthcare in our state. That discussion must include a comprehensive assessment of access to abortion care in Texas, The recent legislation that made abortion access so much harder to find in our state is completely unacceptable.

The failed abstinence-only sex education policies we have pursued in our schools for almost two decades are equally deplorable.

It should have been obvious to reasonable people 20 years ago that”abstinence-only” sex education will never work. Most young people are going to have sex no matter what their teachers tell them, and they need to know how to protect themselves from pregnancy, disease, and rape.

The proposed hearing in Sen. Nelson’s Health and Human Services committee on February 20 will apparently include neither of those critical issues. Please be sure they are added to the agenda.

Texas Freedom Network has provided a form here https://secure2.convio.net/txfree/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=207 to be sure your message gets to the right Senators.




Who Is This Crazy Bill Dearmore Guy?

Just Plain Bill
Just Plain Bill

Just Plain Bill.

When I was a kid — way back in prehistoric times when dinosaurs roamed the earth and most people didn’t even have black and white television or remote controls yet, there was a show on radio called “Just Plain Bill.” I’ve used that appellation for myself many times since.

I was born in the year my people call 1939, in the plain little town of Sunset in North Texas, in the United States of America, on the third planet of a plain yellow star we call the Sun. It was, and is, about 30,000 light years from the center of a plain spiral galaxy known as the Milky Way. Plain, that is, as spiral galaxies go. Even the plainest spiral galaxy is pretty spectacular, as you can see here!

Milky Way Galaxy
Our Milky Way galaxy, showing the approximate position of the Sun. We cannot get a real photograph of the entire Milky Way, because we are inside it. Any way we point our cameras, we get only part of it. This simulation was made by knitting several pieces together.

I’ve been in the Lone Star State ever since, except for a couple of short stays in California as a kid and one in Oklahoma as a young man.

I would like to tell you that I’m a tenured Professor of Microbiology at a large, highly respected university, and that I have Ph.D.’s in astrophysics, history, chemistry, and linguistics, as well as lesser degrees in anthropology, math, philosophy, computer science, daydreaming, girl watching, and a dozen or so other fields of study.

I would also like you to know that I’ve written over 300 books on more than 60 different academic subjects and that I publish the results of my research in at least two refereed scientific journals every month. Sometimes more.

But nothing in those last two paragraphs would be true — except maybe the day-dreaming and girl watching parts. I’m NOT Dr. Dearmore. I’m just plain Bill.

I actually do have a couple of years of college, and I wish I had a lot more; but I’m mostly self-educated. I have time to study — especially now that I’m retired — and a compulsion to learn as much as I can.

I also seem to have a talent for simplifying difficult ideas to make them both interesting and understandable for other people. I made a pretty good living doing it for a few years, but you’ll have to judge for yourself. Not everybody agrees, of course. Oh, well!

Even when I was spending 40 to 60 hours a week writing software documentation, web pages, employee manuals, and various other materials for my last employer, I spent most of my own time reading and studying a wide range of subjects to satisfy my hunger for knowledge. As a result, I consider myself an informed non-professional, writing for other non-professionals who may not have the time or desire to study the things I do.

The late Isaac Asimov, author of almost five hundred books and many thousands of short stories, articles, and essays, referred to himself as a “professional explainer.” I’m not a professional anything, and I have neither Asimov’s talent nor his education. On a smaller scale, though, an explainer is exactly what I want to be.

I want to keep this site both interesting and thought-provoking, as well as informative. I write in a very informal style. I can say “this writer did such and such,” but I’d rather say “I did it.” And you may have already noticed that a few sentences here don’t even have a subject and predicate, in spite of what your grammar teachers told you. Like this one, for example.

My main purposes for this blog are:

  1. To help myself think skeptically and rationally.

  2. To encourage my readers also to think skeptically and rationally.

  3. To use skeptical, rational thinking to understand a variety of difficult and sometimes controversial concepts and (when possible) to reach appropriate conclusions about them.

  4. To share some fun with my readers. After all, skeptics need fun, too.

I want to infect you with an enthusiasm for learning that you’ll spread like the flu. I want to show you the wonderful stories of science and reality in interesting and simple ways so you’ll catch the same fever of discovery that I have.

When I discuss scientific subjects here, I am not likely to ever argue against established scientific principles. I am NOT a scientist; so I am not qualified to do that, even if I were so inclined. I may occasionally try to explain both sides of a genuine disagreement among scientists, but my purpose will be to simplify them and make them more understandable.

You’ll find few footnotes on this site; but I’ll provide links to related information when it seems helpful.

For anybody who’s read this far, here’s a little more personal information:

I’ve been referred to from time to time as a “space nut” (or more often, simply as “spacey” or “nutty”). Actually, I am very enthusiastic about science and technology generally, and about space exploration and utilization in particular.

I enjoy reading good science fiction when I have time. It stirs the imagination and explores possible futures, so we can think about them before we get there. Isaac Asimov (the “professional explainer”) was one of my heroes, along with Carl Sagan, Ben Bova, Stanley Schmidt, Robert Heinlin, and other great speculative writers.

I was raised a very strict and devout Independent Baptist Fundamentalist, but I eventually got over it.I am now an atheist and secular humanist. (Read Saved in the Nick of Time, if you would like to know about about my “de-conversion.”)

Politically, I usually tend to be on the liberal side. I am  pro-choice, pro-freedom, pro-humanity, pro-science, and very pro-skepticism. I used to favor the death penalty for some crimes, until we began learning from DNA evidence that we were convicting so very many innocent people. Under present circumstances, I can no longer support a death penalty for any crime.

I have an assortment of offspring, some of which I helped produce through natural biological processes, and some of which I acquired the easy way. By getting married again.

Though I’ve been divorced from my second wife since August of 2000, I still tend to forget which offspring are mine by biology and which are by choice. Well, I don’t really forget; but I love them all and consider them my own.

I’ll be adding to this blog from time to time. If it stimulates anybody to genuinely think about something he or she might not have considered otherwise, it will have served a worthy cause. Regardless whether or not that person ever actually agrees with anything I have to say.

Originally published in my now defunct website, www.NoBull.ws.

Saved in the Nick of Time

Bill - about 8-yo
The author at about eight years of
age. I don’t seem to have a picture of myself at six years. The bike was Dad’s. I got it when we were finally able to buy a car for him to drive to work.

It should be (and probably is) clear that this essay cannot possibly contain 73 years of life experience. It’s only a very brief summary of my life, written to try to explain why a devout Baptist fundamentalist would leave his church to join another cult, and leave that cult about ten years later calling himself an atheist.

These are my own memories and thoughts, and I understand that some people close to me may not remember or understand everything exactly the same way I do. Memories and interpretations of events are tricky at best.

You need to be saved tonight: My First Decade of Life

“You need to be saved tonight. If you haven’t accepted Jesus as your Savior, you’re already on the road to Hell. You may die tonight and wake up in the lake of fire and brimstone and burn forever.

You’ll feel the flames on your face and all over your body, and smell the smoke of the burning sulfur.”

I was six years old that Sunday night when the pastor preached about hell again.

Almost seven decades later, I don’t remember the exact words; but this is pretty close: “You’ll be like the ‘rich man’ who died and went to Hell and said, ‘I am tormented in these flames.’ You’ll burn for all eternity, but never be burned up. The fire will never stop. There’ll be no end to your torture. Hell is the place ‘where the worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched’. Where the Bible says ‘the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever’. It doesn’t matter how old or how young you are. If you’re old enough to understand you’ve sinned, then you’re old enough to need saving.”

I knew I had sinned, because the Bible said “All have sinned.” (Romans 3:23) And one of my grandmothers had already told me several times the devil was “hiding behind that door” to get me for whatever she thought I shouldn’t be doing at a particular time.

He continued: “You might NEVER have another chance to be saved! You might die TONIGHT! If you haven’t accepted Jesus yet, DO IT NOW!” (You could almost hear the capital letters and the exclamation point in his voice.) “Jesus loves you and wants to give you salvation, but you’ve got to accept His gift. Don’t wait. If you don’t decide now to be saved, you are telling Jesus you want to be lost and condemned to hell for all eternity.”

After the sermon, we sang something like “Oh Sinner, harden not your heart…. Wilt thou be saved? Then why not, oh why not tonight?”

I didn’t accept Jesus as my Savior during that service. Later that night, though — for some reason — I couldn’t sleep. I lay in bed and cried.

I knew I had never been saved, and I felt SURE I was going to die that night — that very night — just as the preacher had said I might. And I was certain I’d never have another chance to be saved.

I could see the flames in my mind and smell the smoke. I knew what burning sulfur smelled like. Grandpa had used it to drive rats out of a house. And I knew hell was more horrible than anything I could imagine. All the preachers said so.

I called Dad from his bedroom to come “talk to me about grace.”

He came. And he told me again it was all true, but there was no need to be afraid any more. If I would just “accept Jesus,” I would be saved. He knelt beside my bed and suggested that I pray with him as he asked Jesus to save me.

When we finished praying, he told me that I shouldn’t be afraid any more; because now that I had accepted Jesus, I had a place in heaven already reserved for me when I die. There was no more danger of going to Hell.

In recent years, a few people have suggested that I never “really” believed in Jesus as my Savior. This idea is pure bull! I never even doubted (as many others did) until I began to question the many irreconcilable problems with the Bible when I was about 30. Until then, I “knew” absolutely beyond doubt that I was a saved, born again, son of God, because I believed in Jesus as “the only begotten Son of God” (John 3:16) and as my Savior.

A Few Questions: My Second and Third Decades

As I studied the Bible during the next few years, there were always things I couldn’t understand, of course. Why did God command certain people in the Old Testament to commit genocide (I Samuel 15:3), theft, and kidnap? (Deuteronomy 20:13-17) Why did He order animals to be sacrificed in bloody, gory rituals similar to those now often associated in my culture with Devil worship? (Exodus 29:10-25)

Bill - Graduation from HS
At the age of 19 years, I graduated from Wilson High School, in the tiny little West Texas town of Wilson.

Why did He become so angry He killed a man for merely protecting the Ark of the Covenant, where the Ten Commandments and other holy items were kept? (II Samuel 6:6-7) And another for eating a piece of fat meat? Why did He forbid men with certain kinds of deformities from serving in the Temple? (Deuteronomy 3:21) Why did He sanction slavery? (Exodus 12:44)

Why did He create men and women — and most especially adolescents — with strong sexual desires, often for more than one partner, at least over a period of time, and forbid us to have sex except with a wife or husband? I remember the preachers explained that God didn’t make us with such “perversions.” We were “born in sin,” they said, because Adam ate a piece of fruit. (Huh? What kind of fruit could cause that? Well, tradition says it was an apple; but the Bible doesn’t tell us.) Anyway, we then perverted ourselves further through lust. Jesus Himself condemned lust. He said, “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28)

But I never understood. How could I be born perverted because a very distant ancestor had sinned?

What made me even think about having sex with a woman I wasn’t married to? Why would it even occur to me to wonder what a particular woman might look like without her clothes on unless God had made me to think those kinds of thoughts? And then why would I have the same kinds of thoughts and desires about another woman? And another? And another? And what could it possibly have to do with that dumb piece of fruit somebody named Adam ate a few thousands of years ago?

Bill About 28yo
I was about 28 years old here. This picture was first printed in an Independent Baptist church newsletter that I was helping to publish at that time. I scanned a wrinkled paper copy many years later to get this. Sorry. I did the best I could.

Some said those were not really my own thoughts until I began to dwell on them, but the Devil put them in my mind. I don’t know. They always seemed pretty much like my own thoughts. I often suspected the Devil got blamed for a lot of things he didn’t even have time to do. After all, we knew he was powerful; but nowhere near as powerful as God.

To repeat a question I asked a few paragraphs back, if God made Adam and Eve “perfect” and they sinned anyway, how could their sinfulness be transmitted to their descendants and make us automatically sinful? (Romans 5:12) Do genes really carry sins, or was something more mysterious happening?

Was this hereditary sinfulness the reason He chose to “visit the sins of the fathers upon the sons even to the third and fourth generations?” (Deuteronomy 5:9) And sometimes even to the tenth? (Deuteronomy 23:2)

It shouldn’t even matter. Even if that were so, I must be HUNDREDS of generations away from Adam by now; so how can that silly piece of fruit still affect me?

And why would any kind and loving God allow the terrible suffering that exists in the world? Is it really because of your sins and mine that lions eat innocent zebras and wildebeests, as well as little African children? No! It is not!

Despite the claims of many people, there were predators on earth long before the first humans.

Check out the recently discovered “Godzilla” crocodile that lived and gobbled flesh 135 million years before the first human lived. 135 million years before Adam ate the apple. Or whatever. Do those teeth look to you like they were for eating  seaweed? No. Me neither. And there were a lot of other killers where this one came
from. Long before anybody ever sinned. Or even existed.

A Natural Evil

“Not long ago I was sleeping in a cabin in the woods and was awakened in the middle of the night by the sounds of a struggle between two animals. Cries of terror and extreme agony rent the night, intermingled with the sounds of jaws snapping bones and flesh being torn from limbs. One animal was being savagely attacked, killed and then devoured by another.

“A clearer case of a horrible event in nature, a natural evil, has never been presented to me. It seemed to me self-evident that the natural law that animals must savagely kill and devour each other in order to survive was an evil natural law and that the obtaining of this law was sufficient evidence that God did not exist.”

Quentin Smith, An Atheological Argument from Evil Natural Laws

Even more, I wondered why did He permit His devoted servants to have “trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, … bonds and imprisonment” or to be “stoned, … sawn asunder, … slain with the sword; … being destitute, afflicted, tormented; … they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth?” (Hebrews 11:36-39)

How could He let it happen to His own servants who loved, trusted, obeyed, and served Him?

Above all, why was He so obsessed with something called “justice” that every sin had to be paid for by death (Romans 3:23) — even the sins He chose to forgive? Why would the Creator and Ruler of the Universe have to send His “only begotten Son” (John 3:16) to be tortured to death by evil men to serve that death sentence for us before He could forgive us of anything? That’s just plain crazy!

Was “justice” really that important? If He was truly merciful, couldn’t He just waive the penalty for any sins He chose to forgive?

But no! It took just one sin — and remember, we all have sinned. One sin — any sin — even just an “impure thought” — was enough to require the death penalty and a conscious eternity in hell for our “immortal souls.” A hell that was not even created for mankind; it was “everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his (rebellious) angels:” (Malachi 25:41)

I believed that VERY MANY people were going to burn in hell. The majority of mankind made no claim to be Christians, and only through belief in Jesus could one be saved. “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” (John 14:6) Even most of those I knew who claimed to be Christians did not appear to be True, Blood Bought, Born Again, Sons of the Living God.

I personally estimated at least 99% of humanity was going to fry, though I couldn’t know for sure about any particular person. Only God can know the heart of man.

What can possibly be “just” about intentionally, deliberately torturing any conscious thing forever? With fire or any other way?

Whether devil, demon, human soul, or whatever? With no more opportunity to ever repent and escape the infernal eternal punishment of hell? Just burning on and on and on. Forever and ever and ever. For eternity. Never ever ending. What good would it do? What purpose could it serve?

Give me a break!

The best answer to whatever I asked usually seemed to be that it was God’s prerogative. He owns us, because He created us. Therefore, anything He chooses to do with us or to us is OK. He has the right. Furthermore, “His ways are above our ways,” so we can’t hope to understand them. We can only accept. “God said it. I believe it. And that settles it.”

If that’s really true that we can’t understand His ways, I wondered, why did He say, “Come now and let us reason together”? (Isaiah 1:18)

Some Observations

I learned early that Independent Baptists tend not to like “why” questions. It’s not difficult to understand their impatience with “why” questions, if you understand first that We Were The True Church.

We were True Baptists. True Independent, Fundamental Baptists. We had The Whole Truth of God, the genuine King James Version.

Sure, a lot of other people had it too, but most of them didn’t believe it, and the rest didn’t understand it. We did. It was that simple.

To many, it still is.

We knew that every word in it was true, because it said so (Psalm 119:160; John 8:26). And we knew that it was to be taken literally unless something was clearly stated as being seen in a dream (Genesis 37:5) or a vision (Isaiah 21:2) or “in the spirit.” (Ezekiel 37:1)

We understood that God made the earth and everything in it in six literal days (Genesis 1-2) about six thousand years ago.

Those of us who thought about such things — at least some of us — contended that whales are fish, and not mammals as scientists now know. We knew this because the Old Testament said Jonah was swallowed by a “great fish” (Jonah 1:17) and the New Testament said he was swallowed by a whale. (Matthew 12:20) I don’t think anybody believed he was swallowed twice, by two different creatures.

Our religion was the same Old Time Religion that was good for Paul and Silas. Our God was the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. (Exodus 3:6) The First and the Last. The Alpha and the Omega. (Revelation 1:11) The Beginning and the End. (Revelation 1:8) The Way, the Truth, and the Life. (John 14:6)

We could disagree about little things like whether or not it was a sin to smoke and whether or not it was OK to see a certain movie Or any movie. But never about the basics: salvation by grace, the security of the believer, baptism by immersion, the evil of alcoholic beverages, or the debauchery of dancing with a member of the opposite sex.

About these vitally important things, We Were Right, and We Knew It.

And, if you know God’s Truth, you don’t ask why. “It’s not ours to reason why. It’s only ours to do or die.”

Some Answers: My Fourth Decade

In my early thirties, I began reading literature from the Worldwide Church of God that seemed to give me better answers to some of my questions. This group also accepted the Bible as God’s revelation to humankind, believing it was “without error as originally written.” This was different, because I and most of the other Baptists I knew believed the KJV was “without error” even in its current English form. Many still do.

The Worldwide Church of God people were Christian fundamentalists, every bit as much so as the Independent Baptists I knew. But very different in many ways.

Mostly since Herbert W. Armstrong died in 1986, the Worldwide Church of God has shattered into more than 300 fragments, according to some of their websites. (One report said more than 500.) Out of this incredible number of splinter groups, there now appear to be all shades of crazy doctrines. This was not so during the time I was a member. At that time, their crazy doctrines were well established and mandated from “headquarters.”

Anyway, the Worldwide Church of God people thought they understood an “instant destruction” version of hell that didn’t seem nearly so outrageous. (Though it still made no sense.) Their version was based largely on a different interpretation of the original Hebrew and Greek words. Of course, this is not possible for somebody who is locked into the “modern” KJV of the Bible in English.

They also taught, among other things, that God permitted suffering in the world because that was His method of building character in His people. (Acts 14:23; Romans 5:3) Character was said to be the most important thing in the universe, because only people with Godlike character could be trusted with eternal life and Godlike power in His Kingdom.

Some of us believed we were being trained to rule over worlds full of newly-created life during future aeons as representatives of the Most High God, literally becoming Gods ourselves in fulfillment of several prophecies. (Psalm 82:6; John 10:34)

This seemed to explain the need for suffering. Well . . . except for maybe one thing.

God was supposed to be capable of creating this whole marvelous universe with at least an estimated hundred billion galaxies that we know of, and each galaxy containing an average of about a hundred billion stars or more. That’s an awful lot of universe! He was able to populate at least one planet orbiting one of those stars with living, thinking, feeling creatures called humans that He intended to become like Him — His “sons.” Then why was He not capable of finding a better way to build character like His Own into these creatures?

Wouldn’t you think an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God could have come up with something better than suffering? Better than the absolute misery that most of mankind and nearly all wild animals still experience on a daily basis?

Even then, I didn’t realize the truly vast amount of suffering there really is on earth. It was a few more years before I realized the whole world is filled with violence inflicted by living beings upon other living beings, and that the vast majority of it has NOTHING to do with building character in humans.

Mid-life Crisis? Or Mid-life Epiphany?

It was said by some who knew me that I had a “mid-life crisis.” In a sense, maybe that was true. I was about forty when I began to admit to myself that a living, thinking, creating God who cares about His people was probably a myth. For one who had been a devout believer, it seems reasonable to concede that constitutes a crisis, and it came about the middle of my life expectancy.

But I really feel more like a blogger whose work I read many years later on the Internet. Using the pseudonym notabarbie, she wrote, “Some have said I had a mid life crisis, but I would call it a mid life epiphany.” That God was not real was a conclusion drawn very slowly and painfully after this decade of thought, prayer, study, tears, fasting, and desperation. I did not want to be a fool, saying in my heart “There is no God.” (Psalm 14:1) Nor one of those who, “professing themselves to be wise, …became as fools.” (Romans 1:22) Of course, I can’t remember ever in my life professing myself to be wise. I’m probably reasonably smart in some ways, but that’s a lot different from being wise. Wise is better. Much better.

Besides that, I loved and needed my God. I needed His fellowship, His approval, His help, and His promise of a better tomorrow in His Kingdom. I needed to serve Him.

I didn’t want to change. I believed in God and I believed the Bible was his message for us. I WANTED GOD TO BE REAL, AND I WANTED TO KEEP ON BELIEVING IT.

When I began to wonder, I asked God to “strengthen my faith,” as the apostles had done so long ago. I discussed some of my doubts with my pastor and certain other church leaders and friends. I knelt on my knees in prayer; I studied the Bible more; I cried; I fasted! All in an effort to keep on believing things that made no sense. Obviously, it didn’t work. And I’m glad, now. But it was terribly traumatic for most of a decade.

What meaning could life have without God? Who would define right and wrong, good and evil? Who would save us from ourselves and each other? These are terribly important questions, but I couldn’t help realizing they have nothing to do with His reality or lack of it. My belief in His reality could only depend on whatever evidence there might be. And, fortunately, there are good answers to at least some of these questions.

The evidence used to seem obvious. I wrote about it when I was young. I could see people’s lives changed when they accepted Jesus as their Savior. Not all of them, of course; and sometimes the change didn’t last very long. But other people were “saved” and it really showed in their lives. I knew people who were seriously injured or sick, and God seemed to heal them. Not immediately, but they did get well. Others asked God for help of one kind or another, and said He helped them.

My own son, coming home from kindergarten, had seemingly been saved from a car. He didn’t stop, look, and listen, as he’d been taught. The car was moving too fast. Brakes squealed and tires shrieked. According to his mother, who saw it happen, the car slid until it actually touched him. Yet he was completely uninjured — not even knocked down. (He remembers a slightly different version, but pretty similar.) Obviously, God had sent an angel to stop that car!

The most obvious evidence of all was the very universe we live in. It could never have been created without a Creator.

Most things don’t seem so obvious any more.

When my employer sent me to a management seminar, we were taught repeatedly that adults rarely if ever change very much unless they have a “significant emotional experience.” I realized that “being saved” surely qualifies as a significant emotional experience, regardless whether or not any literal god has anything to do with it.

Sick or injured people sometimes get well even when we thought they were not going to. And faith probably helps them, whether or not there is any kind of supernatural intervention. Faith is a very strong placebo. (We don’t understand that very well yet, but every doctor knows about placebos.) And brakes usually do stop cars. After all, isn’t that what they’re intended to do? I’m very glad those brakes didn’t take another inch to do their job.

But what about the very universe we live in?

As has been said, the universe is vastly more complex than a fine watch; and we know that a watch can’t assemble itself. It requires a watchmaker. So, the reasoning goes, the universe requires a “Universe Maker.” Otherwise, it could not exist.

I came to realize that appealing to a “Universe Maker” to create the universe really doesn’t solve that problem. It just raises the additional question of where the Universe Maker came from? Who created God?

Sure, I remember the usual answer was that He didn’t come from anywhere. He always existed. He was and is and will be, “from everlasting, and to everlasting” (Psalm 41:13), “having neither beginning of days, nor end of life.” (Hebrews 7:3)

If nobody made God, then why could we not see that maybe nobody made the universe either?

Isn’t God — if He exists — infinitely greater and more complex than even this huge and wonderful universe He supposedly created? Then how can the universe be so complex that Somebody had to create it, if God Himself had no Creator?

When the realization finally came, it came fast. God is a myth, Jesus never rose from the dead, and the Bible is just a book of ancient stories. There is no heaven, no hell, and no angels or demons. The world was not made in six 24-hour days about six thousand years ago, there was no world-wide flood, and Methuselah – the grandfather of Noah – didn’t die in it after having lived for 969 years.

If Paul really had the experience he claimed to have had on the way to Damascus, it was probably a hallucination brought on by some strange kind of epileptic seizure.

It was just stories. All of it. And I finally realized that. That was the epiphany.

Dead people don’t live again. Snakes and donkeys don’t talk. And virgins don’t give birth to god-men. But people through the ages have always told stories.

I realize now the universe has probably always existed in one form or another. Certainly not as the great ball of space full of galaxies that we know now. Maybe it’s had an infinity of different forms over an infinity of past time. Humans may never know for sure, but so what? There doesn’t seem to be any reason to think our puny brains could ever know or understand everything.

Presumably, though, only the form changes, while the universe itself just continues on changing from one form to another. And then another. And another. On and on with never an end in sight. As far as we now know, the universe may be eternal.

How can one choose what to believe? I can’t.

I became an atheist against my own will. It was no longer possible for me to keep on believing in god. Any god. I never made a choice to disbelieve. I just couldn’t keep on believing in the schizophrenic god of the Bible. Or of the Koran. One is as impossible as the other. They are so similar that many educated Christians and Muslims consider themselves to be worshiping the same god. (After all, Allah is  simply the Arabic word meaning “the god;” and Christians who speak Arabic use it to refer to their god.)

But I’m getting sidetracked. I could no longer believe in the God of the Christians, Muslims, or Jews because of the contradictions, inconsistencies, and other problems with their “Holy Books” and the atrocities and contradictory behaviors attributed to their God. I came to realize how ridiculous it was. How absolutely crazy.

But life would have been a lot easier if I could have just kept on believing, “like everybody else.”

Neither have I found any reason to believe in any other god. I’ve been asked if I could believe in a god who created the universe and then “stepped away” to watch it develop, or some similar god. The answer is that I could believe in such a god if there were any convincing evidence that he/she/it exists, but there is not. Since I know of absolutely no evidence that any god of any kind ever existed, I have no reason to believe in any god.

I am an atheist; and I’m glad, now. But the loss of my faith was extremely traumatic for a very long time. As psychologist Valerie Tarico dramatically understates, “Given that core beliefs are naturally resilient … it will come as no surprise that people go to extreme lengths psychologically to defend religious dogmas.” It took me more than a decade of struggle to get past that stage. But in the end, I had no choice. It was the only way I could see reality.

I call myself an atheist, not because I claim to have scientific proof (or proof of any kind) that there is no god. Science studies nature and natural things, so it’s unlikely to ever provide proof for the nonexistence of anything supernatural. But that’s not the point. The point is that a person should never believe in something without a good reason.

That kind of belief makes no sense and simply leads to superstition. I call myself an atheist because I have no belief or faith that any god exists.

In addition to this lack of faith, as I already said, I personally also have a definite belief that certain gods do not and cannot exist as they are described by their “revelations” or their followers.

When I could no longer convince myself that I believed in any God, I left the Church of God, as I had left the Independent Baptists a decade before.

Just Trying to Please

At the age of 44, I married my second wife, who was a member of a Baptist Church. This particular church was very independent, but not Independent. (Notice the capital letters. They’re important.) Neither was it Fundamentalist. The members in general, and the leadership especially, were tolerant of those who may not agree with them in any particular. I appreciate that.

As a group, they were intelligent, educated, thinking people. Many even seem to realize, for example, that God may not have really, literally come down from the heavens and created a certain man out of a few pounds of mud and named him Adam and then made a woman from his rib as an afterthought and named her Eve, thereby beginning the human race.

They still believed in God, though. And Jesus. The only requirement for membership, according to one of the pastors, was that one be sure he or she had accepted Jesus as Savior.

Within a relatively short time, I decided I should join my wife’s church and attend more or less regularly with her. I thought this would not only please her, but other relatives as well. And I would certainly enjoy the friendship of the other members.

I would have to be a little bit dishonest with the church, but not much. After all, I really did accept Jesus when I was a child of six. I could say that. I would fail to mention that I no longer believe Jesus himself knows anything about me. How could he? He’s been dead for close to two thousand years.

It was one of the worst mistakes I ever made. I lasted there about six months. I just could not tolerate trying to pretend to be something I was not. I asked the pastor to remove my name from the membership roll and I apologized to him for my deception.

A Few More Observations

Both physical and emotional suffering have always been particularly egregious to me. I would do nearly anything to prevent them for myself or other people. Or even other animals. Yet whatever god may have created our world seems to revel in them.

The squirrel eating corn at my window continually faces the prospect of being ripped to pieces by a hawk or a cat. Little fish are eaten by big fish. Insects are captured in the web of the spider and literally drained of their body fluids for its nourishment. Or they are caught on the wing by birds or bats. Or eaten by snakes or lizards.

The rattlesnake in the field not only preys upon whatever rodents and birds it can capture, but is perfectly capable of bringing agonizing death to a human being as well.

There are terribly dangerous fish in the oceans, the Amazon River, and other places that you don’t want to meet up with. And beautiful jellyfish and snails that can sting you to death before the shark in the same water has time to bite a chunk out of you. The army ants of South America march across the jungle and overwhelm everything in their path.

Recently I watched some cute little puppies leaping at each other’s throats in play. The game is their instinctive method of learning to deal with the violence in nature.

There’s no need to go on and on. The point is that neither you nor I would ever have created such a world. As Woody Allen once said, “If I had been present at the Creation, I would have had some constructive advice.”

Some Conclusions

What does it all mean? Does it prove there is (or was) no intelligent, conscious, planning, living Creator? No. It doesn’t. But if there is or was any such Creator, it proves He is not Anyone who cares about His creation. Certainly, no “God of Love” made this world you and I live in.

If indeed we were created by Someone conscious and intelligent, omniscient and omnipotent, It had to be Someone Who enjoys violent death with lots of blood and guts and broken bones. Because there’s sure a lot of them in this world. And if He indeed gave all the commandments recorded in the Old Testament, including commanding David and others to murder whole kingdoms, or sometimes letting them enslave and rape the women and girls, … What? You don’t believe it?

What? You don’t believe it? Read these passages one more time.

Exodus 12:43-45

43 “And the LORD said unto Moses and Aaron, This is the ordinance of the passover: There shall no stranger eat thereof:

44 “But every man’s servant that is bought for money, when thou hast circumcised him, then shall he eat thereof.

45 “A foreigner and an hired servant shall not eat thereof.”

“A servant that is bought for money?” Exactly how is that different from a slave? And just in case it needs to be made any clearer, this slave is contrasted against the “hired servant” in the next verse. I Samuel 15:2-32 “Thus saith the LORD of hosts, I remember that which Amalek did to Israel, how he laid wait for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt.

3 “Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.”

Genocide? No, it’s worse than that. Murdering all the people is genocide. Killing their animals too is madness. It’s just plain crazy, as well as mean.

Numbers 31:1-2, 7, 9-10, 14-18

1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

2 Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites: afterward shalt thou be gathered unto thy people.

Notice this is God’s command to Moses, whom He had appointed leader of the Israellites. Remember we already discussed that vengance belongs to God. Well, now He’s ordrering Moses and the Israellites to take vengeance for Him against the Midianites.

7 And they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males.

9 And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goods.

10 And they burnt all their cities wherein they dwelt, and all their goodly castles, with fire.

So, at God’s command, they killed all the Midianite men, took the women and children prisoner, and burned down their cities. Yup. Now it sounds like genocide to me.

14 And Moses was wroth with the officers of the host, with the captains over thousands, and captains over hundreds, which came from the battle.

15 And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive?

16 Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the LORD.

17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

Just killing all the men, taking the women and children captive, and burning down the cities wasn’t good enough. The women had to die, too. And the male children. God was really angry with these people. In fact, He was just plain mad.

But what of the girls?  Keep the virgins for yourselves? That doesn’t sound to you like he’s promoting rape? Or probably forced marriage, which is essentially the same thing? Well, yeah. It does, doesn’t it?

There are plenty more examples. This god was bad when he was mad.

Some fairy tale!

It is only human civilization, technology, and culture that have finally brought some members of our species a little security. Civilization based on empathy with our fellow creatures, and technology brought about by a special way of practical thinking sometimes called “The Scientific Method.”

Thinking people need to understand this and never forget it, because it’s up to us to make beneficial changes in ourselves and our societies. We are not omnipotent or omniscient gods, so we cannot change tigers or crocodiles into gentle herbivores. But we can and must improve our own behavior. Only by doing this for ourselves –and realizing that Nobody Else is going to do it for us — can we hope to build that “kinder and gentler nation” the  first President Bush asked us for. In fact, it’s the only way we have any hope of even surviving much longer as a species.

Far more events and processes than I have discussed here have combined to make me who I am. Nevertheless, these religious and philosophical matters have always been important to me. I have always wanted to know the truth about how things are, even if the truth was not always what I wanted it to be. Well, nearly always.

The will of a god would seem to be the very most important truth to know. On the other hand, if God is a myth,then it is a waste of time to try to understand His will, and dangerous to try to depend on Him for help or guidance. As I said earlier, I can no longer believe that any literal, living, intelligent god exists. Furthermore, if he does exist, and if he created this violent and evil world, he is clearly no god that I can worship.

After Hurricane Hugo devastated much of the east coast in 1989, followed by an earthquake on the west coast and an explosion in a plastics factory on the gulf coast of Texas, someone was quoted anonymously as saying, “If God’s in charge, I’m angry. If He’s not, I’m worried.” I agree. And I’m worried. It seems clear to me, nobody’s in charge.

When this picture was made, I was probably between about 45 and 50 years of age.

I have not been a Baptist since I was about 32 years old, nor a Christian of any kind since I was about 42. Now in 2013, at the age of 73, I’ve been an atheist and secular humanist for close to years. I don’t miss my old religion any more. I’m glad to be free of that nonsense. It was actually Jesus who expressed this so well. “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”(John 8:32)

I do miss some things about the churches: the fellowship with other believers, the gospel singing, even the ability to say honestly to a sick friend, “I’ll be praying for you.” “I’ll bethinking about you” sounds pretty lame in comparison, but it appears to accomplish about as much good.

Resolutions for the Rest of My Life

A fiftieth birthday seems like a good time to stop and think, to remember some of the things that made me who I am, to reconsider what I want to be, and maybe to make some resolutions based on these reminiscences. Mine was in 1989 on the fourteenth of September. I originally wrote this paper mostly for my own benefit, to record my own thoughts and memories. But I gave copies of it to a few friends and relatives just to say, as did Martin Luther, “Here I stand. I can do no other.”

And now (re-edited and updated a little) here it is for anybody else who might be interested. It’s not my wish for anything herein to create animosity, or to hurt anybody’s feelings. These are my memories and my feelings. I realize my relatives and friends won’t remember or interpret everything the same way I do, nor feel the same way about it. We’re all different, and our memories, feelings, and interpretations will be colored by those differences. That’s all right. That’s what living in a free country (as most of us do) is all about.

This is what I look like now, at the age of 73. Actually,the picture was made several years ago, but my appearance hasn’t changed much, because of he way my facial hair covers up wrinkles and other signs you might otherwise see.

It’s not my intention to try to persuade any religious person to “de-convert,” but I definitely do want to help and encourage those who might be looking for ways to break the bonds of their religion. I’ve been religious and I’ve been non-religious, and I can tell you from experience that freedom from superstitious nonsense is better.

I invite you to think for yourself and ask yourself, “Is it really rational to believe in a being so powerful and wise that he/she/it can simply speak a few words and thereby create this whole wonderful, amazingly huge and complex universe?” Or even do it in six days, for that matter? Personally, I don’t think so. It just doesn’t make any sense, and there’s not the slightest evidence for it.

I very much want to help make this a kinder and gentler world. A world of tolerant, considerate, educated, rational, and helpful people. A world with as few “Thou shalt nots” as feasibly possible. And a world where we can work together to solve thedifficult problems that concern us all. Problems like overpopulation, pollution, disease, poverty, crime, global climate change, over fishing and other destruction of the oceans, other environmental problems, and irrational human behavior. I am resolved to spend whatever time I have left accepting responsibility for my own actions, fully understanding that I cannot abdicate that responsibility to any “higher power.”

I am resolved to be gentle, kind, considerate, thoughtful, and tolerant; to refrain from taking myself too seriously; to help other people to whatever extent and in whatever ways I can; and to leave the world a better place for my having been here, if at all possible.

I respect the rights of those who disagree with me in any particular; and I ask the same respect in return.

Written by Bill Dearmore in 1989. Revised and updated from time to time. Last updated August, 2013. First published in my now defunct website www.NoBull.ws.