Category Archives: Humor

Adrift

About to make a serious mistake?

Two men were adrift in an open boat, and it looked bad for them. Finally one of them, frightened, began to pray.
 
“O Lord,” he prayed, “I’ve broken most of thy commandments. I’ve been a hard drinker, I cheated on my wife, I gambled, but if my life is spared now I’ll promise to never again…”
 
“Wait a minute, Jack,” said his friend. “Before you promise anything, I think I see a sail.”
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Source:
  • From the Internet

Marriage Redefined

marriage redefined

Billboard recently placed in Kim Davis’ home town by Planting Peace. Kim Davis is the Kentucky County Clerk who made news by refusing to sell legal marriage licenses to same-sex couples and then went to jail for refusing to obey a court order to do her job.

Even now, after being released from jail, she still refuses to personally issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples or even let her employees issue such licenses bearing her name, title, or authority. “Instead,” she says, “the license will state that they are issued pursuant to a federal court order.” Lawyers are questioning whether or not such a marriage license is even valid.

According to their website, Planting Peace is a global nonprofit organization founded for the purpose of spreading peace in a hurting world. Their projects focus primarily on humanitarian aid and environmental initiatives, including their multi-national deworming campaign, Equality House LGBTQ rights advocacy, a network of orphanages and safe havens, and conservation effort in the rainforests of Peru.

Dan Barker: Gravity Is Real, Real, Real

Dan Barker - gravity is real
Dan Barker – gravity is real

Dan Barker should know

Dan Barker was an evangelical preacher and gospel song writer until he realized it was all superstition. Now he is co-President of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, the largest freethought association in North America.

With more than 22,500 members, the nonprofit FFRF works as an effective state/church watchdog and voice for freethought (atheism, agnosticism, skepticism).

You can read Dan Barker’s story in his new book, Godless: How an Evangelical Preacher Became One of America’s Leading Atheists.

Source: https://ffrf.org/

Wisdom and Humor Online

The wisdom of the wise, and the experience of ages, may be preserved by quotations. –Benjamin Disraeli

Here are a few great ones.

  • I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.  People move out of the way much  faster now!
  • You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If she is holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
  • Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they  drink like their fathers.
  • You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?  That’s common sense leaving your body.
  • I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.
  • I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
  • Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
  • I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!
  • Old age is coming at a really bad time!
  • When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment… now, as a grown  up, it just feels like a small vacation!
  • The biggest lie I tell myself is… “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
  • Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, & the friends to post my bail when I  finally snap!
  •  I don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights”. I’m just very wise.
  •  My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance for idiots that needs work.
  •  Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
  • At my age “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering why.
  • Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
  • I’ve lost my mind, but I’m pretty sure my wife took it!
  • Even duct tape can’t fix stupid… but it can muffle the sound!
  • Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

    From the Internet

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